Bravery?

I finally learned what not to say to my patient who is battling a chronic illness whether it be cancer, recurrent strokes, kidney failure on dialysis, diabetes with endless complications or anything remotely similar.

Never (ever) say: "You're so brave." in response to their hardships, struggles, and the seeming courage they show making it through each day.

Guilty of this faux pas on an embarrassingly frequent number of occasions, a light bulb finally went off in my head. Uniformly I've received the same response from my patients to my perceived encouraging and complimentary statement. I've been told nicely by some and with exasperation by others something on the order of "Brave? I had no choice in the matter." In other words, trying to pin the word brave on someone fighting for their life is likely neither reassuring nor endearing. In fact, many who've heard these words come out of my mouth probably say to themselves, "Doc just doesn't get it.".

I suppose I'll never really know how annoying my comment, however innocent, feels since I don't walk in their shoes. What I learned was to hold back on this reflexive comment and instead, listen more deeply, respond with the squeeze of my hand on theirs and say less. For this, I'm grateful.